The ride home was quiet. It was dark. The car hummed like it had a habit of doing. I don’t know if my father’s car was the only one that hummed, or if all silver Mercedes sedans did that in the early eighties. Either way, I thought it was a rather delightfully odd characteristic that this car possessed … one that persuaded my mother and me to name it Ethel – or was it Bethel? Betsy, that was it! She was a Betsy. And there I was. Alone, in the middle of the ivory colored leather backseat humming along with my carrier for the thirty five minute drive from the theatre to our house.
We had just been to see the movie ET- and I, for those thirty five minutes in the backseat, counted a gazillion stars and came to a startling (no pun intended) understanding that I might not be the only one looking at those stars.
Once we were home, I went inside … walked through the kitchen … down the hall … and into the bathroom where I locked the door behind me and slithered over to the window … that I unlocked, opened, punched out the screen and hoisted myself up so I could crawl through to the outside world and be alone … with the stars and whomever – or whatever – else was studying the sky that night.
I sat in the damp yard, crossed my legs and listened … the frogs were exceptionally loud … and the sky was obsidian dark with a wide scattering of bright speckles that, my science teacher, had told me were balls of fire larger than the Earth (which at the ripe old age of twelve I had a hard time believing).
I remember sitting there – half excited and pleased with myself for “sneaking” out of the house; half panicked yet thrilled by the thought that I was not alone … I even believed that (don’t laugh – if you do, I will find you and hit with a laser beam) I would be contacted … like from “another world” … (OK I can hear someone laughing and I don’t think that’s very nice!)
But, to my dismay, I was not “chosen” by another world to be their “Earthly contact”, so I crawled back in that bathroom window, replaced the screen, unlocked the door … and re-entered the world of a 1982, West Coast, USA, pre-teen, looking for … searching for … some meaning to her existence – which I cannot entirely say that I am satisfied I have found.
Although, my children have certainly awarded me purpose … they ground me … they drive me … they piss me off … they delight me … and while I do feel they give me purpose, sometimes I still feel a yearning for more … my insides get pulled … my gut … it tells me that there is still more that I need to do with this life I have been given … I still have an unfulfilled calling for something … something, that I have yet to discover – or, perhaps, just something I have yet to uncover …
“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” ~ Tony Robbins
Do you ever wonder what else life has in store for you – or what it is that you have been made to do?