For the love of a warm tush –

ImageGross. Right? I mean who wants to sit that close to anything that might have inadvertently sucked up droplets of someone else’s pee?

My Great Aunt has one of these on her toilet. Myself, I have yet to actually see it but my mother swears it exists and her tall tale of woe from her last visit was enough to ensure that a.) I would voluntarily have a catheter inserted before visiting or b.) again, voluntarily, agree to piss outside in the middle of her driveway … even it means I’d have to drip-dry. Yes. Yes. I did agree to drip dry rather than sit my hiney on one of those furry seats.

BUT. (No pun intended – really – I swear!) Here’s the thing … today – probably a good 4-5 times, I have (gulp) secretly wished my toilet was covered with one of those furry seats.

It is cold here. Like freezing. And yes, we have a thermostat and a wood burning fireplace but it’s still cold – the high was around 25 degrees and the low, with wind-chill, around four degrees – awesome! Anyway, the porcelain toilet seats are so God damn cold that I can’t hardly bear it … I can’t even stand to sit on my hands and pee …

OK. I know. Nobody wants to know about anyone else’s bathroom woes but in all seriousness this isn’t a woe-is-me tale … consider it more of a quest to find someone who wants to go into business and fund a macrobiotic, NO GERMS LEFT BEHIND, toilet seat cover – preferably a warm fuzzy one.

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