Girl Scout Cookie Survivor Guide 101

ImageI HAVE A REQUEST … to all those parents of a cute-pixie-haired (or pony-tailed) daughter donning one of those green uniforms — you know, the ones with sashes covered in patches that read “Junior Crafter” or “Cadette Woodworker” or “Senior Locavore” … could you please, restrain them from bombarding me with anymore requests to purchase cookies when I’m just trying to get a gallon of milk?

Grocery shopping isn’t something I thoroughly enjoy. And, this time of year I cringe when I see a table set up in the vestibule at the Piggly Wiggly covered with boxes of Thin Mints. Mind you, it’s not because I have no willpower and fear a single-sitting devouring of a box — or two — (I don’t even like Thin Mints, EGADS! I know!) and therefore don’t want to be suckered into buying anymore … no, it’s because no matter what I say, no matter how I phrase it, when I smile, nod, say “no thank you,” and safely enter the store, I feel the sharp pain from the dagger that the said cute-pixie-haired-child’s-mother threw at my back.

On my street alone there are SEVEN pixie haired girls (well, three pixies, four ponytails) that knock on my door and ask if I’d like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies (OK, OK … four ask, three just hand me the form with a pencil and tell me I can pay later). And in years past, I’ve always obliged but recently, one of my neighbors shared her Girl Scout Cookie Survivor Guide 101 (hmmm, is there a badge for that?) is to buy one box from every child. “A good guideline,” she said “… keeps everyone happy, including the pocketbook and you don’t play favorites.”

So you see, cute-pixie-haired-child’s-mother that threw the dagger at my back for not supporting your child, I am not anti-Girl Scout — nor am I trying to be mean, but no matter how delightful a smile your cute-pixie-haired-child tosses my way, I will not be coerced into buying anymore cookies. I WILL STAND MY GROUND … and I will tryout one of those grocery delivery services until the stands of Samoans and tables of Tagalongs are safely put away until next year.

BTW, I do so wish someone could explain why there is one large box filled with umpteen other small boxes on my dining room table with an invoice for $38 to be paid to one of those pixie-haired girls? — because like Shaggy, I swear, IT WASN’T ME!

Oh, and for all you SUPER-spellers out there, yes, it is spelled cadette (not cadet) when referencing Girl Scouts … from what I can gather, the century old organization added the word “cadette” to the English language in 1963, specifically to identify members between the ages of 10 and 12. BTW, do you know the Girl Scouts have a badge for Comparison Shopping? Yep. I swear. I can’t make that kind of stuff up. 

Today’s post inspired by The Daily Prompt: The Stat Connection “Go to your Stats page and check your top 3-5 posts. Why do you think they’ve been successful? Find the connection between them, and write about it.” So this post is from February 2013 … it had 682 views one day. Good to know I’m not the only one trying to avoid those little comparison shoppers. Anyway, thought a repost would be in order considering the time of year … best of luck to everyone out there trying not to get suckered in : )

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Ryan says:

    As the father of one former GS and two future one… I completely AGREE! I’ve come to the conclusion that the GS are actually part of the mafia’s legal money making ventures. We’ve tried to convey our thoughts on the process to our daughter(s) in hopes they won’t bombard people with requests to buy more cookies! We’ve even gone so far as to purposely plan things to do on those days so we don’t have to have them out there.

    My best advice, whether true or not, just say “I already bought some this year!” and keep on walking. I’ll end up doing this about 12,000 times before the end of “cookie season.” [insert eye roll here… and me picking said eyes up off the ground]

    Great post.

    1. SHAUNA says:

      Ha ha. Yea … thing is I’ll buy from the ones that make an effort and do the asking. But the ones whose parents do it for them, not so much. That drives me crazy!!

  2. Blechh! Solid food! My dad, on the other hand, has bought girl guide cookies by the case. In Canada we only get two kinds: the mint ones in spring (yuck for everybody here) and the choc/van combo in fall (fight for the vanilla ones). My dad hides them and devours them. But they are now $5 for a teeny tiny box, which seems a little steep, charity or not. Never mind that we’re not sure exactly what girl guides believe in. For all we know they could be ambushing suspected lesbian 10-12-year-olds and trying to convert them.

    1. snosler says:

      Holy crap you are spot on … and this has made my God forsaken crappy strep throat ridden day a little bit better!!

  3. James Pailly says:

    I bought four plus I had to try the new mango flavored ones (I recommend avoiding them).

    Also, thanks for telling us about cadet vs cadette. Never even knew there was an alternate spelling.

    1. snosler says:

      Ewwww … mango cookies? Bleck!

      1. James Pailly says:

        The best part is if you read the list of ingredients, there are no mangos.

  4. Uh oh. Now I want to eat a box of thin mints!

    1. snosler says:

      Put them in the freezer first – they taste better cold :)

  5. Big daddy says:

    17 to be exact

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