Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't

Every time you do, you win. Every time you do, you grow. Every time you do, you get a little bit stronger. Every time you DON’T, you win.

Without divulging too much, or going too deep into what makes me tick, let me just share this … I have some pretty dark monsters that share most of my moments. Sometimes, I am able to tuck them away and ignore them, gloss over their bullshit. But, other times their manifest blankets me and I cave to their comfort. And when things get rough, I have (over the years) reverted to some poor behavior. But. Now I recognize what triggers me and I am prepared for the fall before it can happen. Not to say I don’t still fall … sometimes, I do. And sometimes, it’s ugly. But, sometimes I fight back and sometimes, I win the fight. And every time I do, I get a little bit stronger. And every time I DON’T, I win.

Still, fighting back is hard. Sometimes it feels like it doesn’t matter. Sometimes I think I should give in—be mediocre. Settle. Be content with breathing in and out. BUT. Then I slap myself in the face and remind myself that settling for mediocrity is like signing up for an all-you-eat buffet, but only taking the breadsticks.

Anyway, that’s all I got right now. Which, I know might not seem like a lot, but I just talked myself off the ledge and … well, that’s something. Because every time I do, I get a little bit stronger.

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