I Didn’t Know I was Lost

Day two of absolute absurdness has begun. Only I’m not completely and totally lost. I mean I am, but I’m not …

Feeling my way through the darkness

Guided by a beating heart

I can’t tell where the journey will end

But I know where to start

They tell me I’m too young to understand

They say I’m caught up in a dream

Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes

Well that’s fine by me

Everyone has had a rough year. And though I might look OK on the outside, this year has had a toll on me too, but the pandemic is only part of it. I mean yea, I had to change what I do for a living—I was a food and travel writer and when restaurants and borders close, well, yea … hasta la vista to the well-paying writing gigs. But, like many writers, I made a somewhat smooth transition into public relations and (lucky me) landed a pretty damn good gig. So that’s a good thing … and when the pandemic first hit and the city shut down, my friend and I walked EVERY SINGLE MORNING for at least two hours and we stopped at all those little plaques, you know, the ones designating some historical moment or significant structure or something a rather … and we actually read them. And I learned so much about my city. It was really pretty damn cool—so good thing number two happened as a direct result of the pandemic.

BUT.

While I made the most of some things, other things spiralled … I lost my best friend. I had knee replacement surgery and had metal inserted into both of my big toes and had to stop running (which, if you know anything about me, then you know—you KNOW!). What else … I got divorced. I moved cross country. I cut my hair (I know, might not seem like a big thing but again, if you know me—you KNOW!). And my oldest child refuses to acknowledge my presence.

I tried carrying the weight of the world

But I only have two hands

Hope I get the chance to travel the world

But I don’t have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young

Not afraid to close my eyes

Life’s a game made for everyone

And love is a prize

AND.

I fell in love … I took a leap of faith, jumped, and landed in his arms … which is all lovely, but I’m starting to wonder if perhaps I should have landed on my feet first. 

So wake me up when it’s all over

When I’m wiser and I’m older

All this time I was finding myself

And I didn’t know I was lost

BUT.

Here I am. And it’s where I want to be. It’s where I belong. And yet, I’m still stuck with a mind full of fog and absurdity. SONG lyrics, Avicii’s “Wake Me Up.”

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