A little family time mixed with one kickass hollandaise sauce

It is 7:49 p.m.—or at least it was when I wrote this. A typical weekday night … no. Wait. Let me retract that statement as there is no such thing as typical in my household. The same household, mind you, my ever curious neighbor from down the street has, on more than one occasion, dubbed a…

I still want my tiara!

I loved high school. I mean hey, I had the world at my feet and a fully deployed umbrella over my head. What wasn’t to love? I had a lot friends, a nice house and a closet chalk full of fabulous stuff. BUT. For as much as it pains me to admit this … there is…

Forgive me, but I don’t give a rat’s #%@#$ about your hamster!

Recently, I cleaned up my blog subscription list — only thing is, I keep getting notifications from several blogs that I would really like to stop getting notifications from. Nothing personal, but if you are blogging about coupons, your kid’s first loose tooth, a new way to make lasagna, the seventy fifth diet you’re starting,…

How much will it cost you to write your book?

Pretend this is one of those middle school word problems … Ready? Good. Here we go … To write a book, you need only pen and paper — access to a word processor is nice, but it is not necessary. (Oh, snap. I forgot, momentarily, about The Diving Bell and the Butterfly — “written” not by…

This just in — Trump drops bid for presidency (JK)

Real good news doesn’t come along very often. And by “good news” I’m referring to the kind that makes your heart stop (of course it doesn’t really stop, ‘cause that would be bad news and defeat the whole purpose of the good news). I’m referring of the kind of good news you don’t expect. Like…

How to give the perfect insult in Pig Latin…

Youyay ightmay ebay ethay iggestbay idiotyay onyay ethay anetplay. I didn’t learn much from my grandmother — and in all honesty, I don’t have a bank of fond memories to fall back when I think of her. But, while it goes without saying that she was from a different era, it wasn’t the generation gap…

I feel bad about the whole cat thing … but I was born blonde!

For all my fellow republicans, my fifth grade teacher, Cotton the cat, onetime wannabe gymnasts, and all the other blondes in the world … sorry to have kept you in the dark all these years, but I’ve been holding onto a few secrets … One, a few years back I voted for a democrat. (And…

Girl Scout Cookie Survivor Guide 101

I HAVE A REQUEST … to all those parents of a cute-pixie-haired (or pony-tailed) daughter donning one of those green uniforms — you know, the ones with sashes covered in patches that read “Junior Crafter” or “Cadette Woodworker” or “Senior Locavore” … could you please, restrain them from bombarding me with anymore requests to purchase…

Why lingering is perhaps the greatest sin of all …

IF I could snap my fingers, wave my wand, wriggle my nose or click my heels together I wouldn’t implore the powers that be to transport my a double s to Kansas — no offense to those of you that love your Jayhawks, but I’d use my wish for something greater … and no, I…