What happens when the blackbirds escape the pie they were baked in?

There are, according to my mother, 40,000 birds in my garage. That’s right. Forty thousand. Four, zero, comma, zero, zero, zero. I have a nice house. But I’m not a Rockefeller. I don’t have a garage that would house 40,000 birds—no even tiny hummingbirds. And quite frankly, I don’t think 40,000 of anything would fit…

Sometimes everyone needs a solid shove to their backside—

It’s 8:33 a.m. I’ve been awake for well over two hours … I should be running. I should be done with my run. I should be on to something new rather than stuck listening to my mind debate itself, anticipating the crappy weather that awaits me as soon as I step out my front door.

Does inhaling make someone a loser?

Let’s talk Marijuana. You know, weed. Or cannabis, for those smart enough to know how to spell it. I know, I know … you’re probably about as tired of hearing arguments as to why, or why not, the gnarly little plant should be legalized as I am, but fear not—I’m not going to rant my…

Why you might want to consider being a ditch digger …

Don’t laugh. Really. I beg of you … though you probably will … and that’s OK. At least I know I will have made someone else smile today … When I was growing up I, unlike most of the other middle-class girls in my neighborhood, did not want to be a princess. Nope. Not me….

If Homer had a blog, would you read it?

It’s tough being a writer. Especially when it dictates your paycheck and not just your free time. Now I know, I know, there are people out there who think writers don’t do diddly … we sit around all day drinking coffee and chewing on pencils, reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” of longhand and pen-and-ink…

Why didn’t someone tell me the stove was hot?!

You know that moment in time when everything stops— well, not literally. Not like it did when Lois Lane fell down the crack in the Earth and Superman used his supersonic speed to fly around the globe and erase time. More like it does it when you have an ah ha moment … like a…

When it comes right down to it, isn’t sleep more important than a 4.0?

I was not a straight A student. But I wanted to be—well, sort of. To my parent’s dismay, my 2.90 high school GPA proved I didn’t actually want to be bad enough to be … but hey, I wasn’t much really the studious type. I wasn’t a stoner either, but although I never skipped class I also rarely brought a…

I just want a place to pee alone! 

So a girl walks into a bathroom (I know, you thought I was going to say bar, didn’t you) … not a swanky powder room, but a restroom – you know, like in an office building that houses roughly 3,000 other people on any given day.Yea. One of those bathrooms. One with twelve stalls, six sinks, a…