Girl Scout Cookie Survivor Guide 101

I HAVE A REQUEST … to all those parents of a cute-pixie-haired (or pony-tailed) daughter donning one of those green uniforms — you know, the ones with sashes covered in patches that read “Junior Crafter” or “Cadette Woodworker” or “Senior Locavore” … could you please, restrain them from bombarding me with anymore requests to purchase…