Originally published between 2011 and 2014, this post has been updated but preserves its original publish date as content is migrated from the archives of The Flavored Word.
Anyone who knows me, knows I harbor some serious resentment towards people who chew gum as if it was their last meal on Earth. But because you can read about that here, I’m going to bypass the whole synthetic rubber topic and focus strictly on The Art of Chewing Loudly, sort of sounds like a book title, doesn’t it?
Here’s the thing, I get that certain foods are going to be louder to chew than others (and no, I’m not suggesting everyone eat nothing but oatmeal) but, IF you are going to eat something crunchy, could you at least close your mouth? God gave you a nose, please, use it to breathe while chewing loudly.
What? Have I offended someone? Oh, come on. Seriously? I didn’t even name names. Look, I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I promise, your friends and family will be happier for it. Yes, I’m having one of THOSE days …
DISCLAIMER: I’m a writer and an editor. And I try my best to make sure every post is articulate and free from errors. However, being that I edit my own work—and it’s next to impossible to properly edit your own work—I admit, occasionally there may be an error or two I miss. But doing so doesn’t make me an idiot so don’t be mean. Just smile, pat yourself on the back for finding an error and be glad you’re not the only one who makes mistakes sometimes … xoxox
What Does Gum Chewing and Lingering Have in Common?
I absolutely loathe people who chew gum as if it was their last meal on Earth … how it’s possible to make so much damn noise chewing synthetic rubber?
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What Happens When the Birds Escape the Pie?
There are, according to my mother, 40,000 birds in my garage. That’s right. Forty thousand. Four, zero, comma, zero, zero, zero. I have a nice house. But I’m not a Rockefeller. I don’t have a garage that would house 40,000 birds—not even tiny hummingbirds. And quite frankly, I don’t think 40,000 of anything would fit…
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